Following the Breadcrumbs

Happy Sunday friend!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my weekends lately and how different they look now that we are empty nesters.

For the longest time I didn't even have to think about our weekend plans because they were ready made for us. From those Saturday morning soccer practices when the kids were little to gymnastics meets, football games and horse shows, we’ve had something going on nearly every weekend from the time our oldest son Devon was four until our youngest daughter Ava turned eighteen.

I actually had to do the math on that and with their age gap, that was 22 years.

Twenty-two years of weekends that were planned out!

And honestly, I kind of loved every minute of it.

When the kids were all young and at home and I was in the thick of this phase of life, my therapist at the time, who was a mid-life mom a bit older than me asked me what I had going on just for me.

I proudly answered, "Nothing. Well, other than my job."

She calmly smiled and said something that stayed with me throughout the rest of those years.

"Alison, if you put all of your eggs in this basket, you're going to have a very empty basket one day."

I'll be honest…I was kind of miffed with her. I mean isn’t this exactly what I was supposed to be doing during this phase of life?

But it turns out she was right about the eggs. And she was right about the basket.

Because when my three beautiful birds finally flew out of the nest, I found myself standing in a house that suddenly became so quiet.

I know it didn't actually happen overnight, but that's what it felt like. One day there were backpacks by the door, laughter and stomping feet coming from upstairs, the smell of a crockpot meal filling the house and homework at the kitchen table every night.

The next...it was just quiet.

And you know what happens when life gets quiet. You hear your own thoughts.

I've had so much more time to think over the past few years. I think about the ways I was in survival mode when the kids were younger and how I wish the version of me today could go back and have those years again. To be more present, soak up every minute, slow down. Maybe you can relate.

But that's probably a newsletter for another day.

Honestly, it's taken work to build this next chapter. It didn't just happen on its own. I think that’s the part that’s surprised me most of all.

I never really gave it much thought back then. I guess I assumed life would somehow magically reorganize itself once the kids were grown and flown.

What I realized instead is that we have to create it. One little choice at a time.

One thing that's helped me more than anything has been following the breadcrumbs.

That's become the phrase I keep coming back to lately.

The little things that have always lit me up but somehow got buried under all of the beautiful responsibilities of raising a family and building a business.

Not because I lost myself but more because life got really, really full.

I don't think we wake up one day and suddenly forget who we are. I think we just get so busy taking care of everyone else that we stop paying attention to the parts of ourselves that are still there waiting for us.

For me, those breadcrumbs have looked like finally seeing Hamilton after wanting to for years and delighting the child in me who always loved musical theater.

Craig and I have also started being much more intentional about planning date nights, instead of trying to decide in the car while we back out of the garage. 😃 

We're looking up local events, putting concerts and shows on the calendar, trying out new restaurants, going to see our favorite yacht rock cover band.

It's funny how something as simple as having weekend plans to look forward to changes the whole feel of a week.

Of course, we still spend as much time as possible with our adult kids too. They're all in the early stages of building careers and lives of their own, so scheduling has become a bit of a challenge, but we're always willing to stay flexible to make it work.

And although those years with the kids at home were one of the greatest joys of my life, I have to admit...they've turned into the coolest adults!

People we genuinely enjoy spending time with.

It’s different in so many ways but in some ways sweeter too. Ava loves yacht rock and knows the song lyrics better than we do. Devon and Aubrey laugh about how they dreaded seeing that crockpot on the counter when they got home from school. We connect with them now in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

And I’ve realized that maybe this next chapter isn't about replacing what we lost, because nothing will ever replace those years. Maybe it's more about paying attention to what's calling us now.

Following the breadcrumbs…

• Saying yes to the concert.

• Booking the trip (there are SO many places I want to go, I can’t wait to share them all here!)

• Reading the book.

• Trying the new restaurant.

• Taking the walk.

Not because any one of those things changes our life overnight but because little by little, they remind us that we're still growing, still changing and still becoming.

We are still worth it.

I don't think the next chapter just happens to us, I think we create it, one little yes at a time.

And honestly...I'm just really enjoying discovering what mine looks like.

This Week's Breadcrumb

Make one plan this week that's just for you.

• Buy the ticket.

• Make the reservation.

• Take the class.

• Visit the bookstore.

• Try the new restaurant.

• Go for the walk.

It doesn't have to be big. Just follow one breadcrumb!

xo