I Stopped Dressing for the Body I Used to Have.

Last summer, I dreaded getting dressed every day. Not because I didn't have clothes that I loved, I had plenty. But because I didn't know how to dress the new body I had.

Over the course of the past few years while going through menopause, I gained about 15 pounds, much of it in my mid-section. As a pear shape my entire life, I owned mostly clothes that were fitted at my waist. And suddenly, it was gone.

I'd wake up feeling one way, then by afternoon was so bloated and uncomfortable that I had to start planning my outfits by how I'd feel later in the day.

I spent my days constantly sucking in my stomach and not wanting to catch a glimpse of my side view in the mirror.

Somedays I didn't recognize my body anymore and nobody prepared me for that part.

For someone who had spent the last decade helping millions of women get dressed, it was let's just say…humbling.

None of my clothes felt good anymore and I desperately wanted to just feel like myself again.

One of my clearest memories is from our trip to Portugal last summer. I kept a sweater tied around my waist most of that trip, just so I could enjoy the trip without "sucking it in" constantly. I tried to hide my stomach the whole time.

Looking back on it now, it makes me a little sad. Not because of the picture but because I remember spending parts of that incredible trip caught up in my body issues instead of enjoying the moment.

I don't want that for myself anymore.

And I definitely don't want it for you.

Somewhere along the way, I realized something. The problem wasn't my body.

The problem was that I kept trying to dress the body I used to have.

Every morning I reached for the same silhouettes...

The same fitted waistlines...

The same structured fabrics...

The same "rules" I'd followed for years.

By afternoon, my clothes were reminding me that my body had changed.

Every.

Single.

Day.

So I stopped fighting, not my body, but my clothes. I stopped choosing fabrics that fought me back. Instead I filled my closet with pieces that worked for my body instead of against it.

Linen.

Cotton.

Flowy dresses.

Breathable fabrics.

Pieces that moved with me instead of squeezing me. That white linen shift dress you've seen me wearing over and over?

It became my uniform, not because it was trendy but because it allowed me to feel like myself again.

I also stopped trying to force myself into the shapes that had always worked before. Instead I started dressing in shapes that loved me back, like

A-line silhouettes.

Wide-leg pants.

Relaxed fits.

Nothing that dug into my waist by 3:00 in the afternoon.

Nothing that required sucking in all day. (THIS was key!)

Nothing that made me dread getting dressed.

I gave myself the grace I needed in that moment.

One thing I was determined NOT to do was abandon myself. I didn't want to just default to baggy, oversized clothes every day because I felt uncomfortable. Getting dressed in clothes that make me feel good is one of my ways I've practiced self care. I've been in the yoga pants rut before and I know what it feels like.

So I made myself a promise, I would keep getting dressed but stop wearing clothes that made me feel worse.

If something didn't work for the body I had that day, back in the closet it went.

No guilt.

"The problem wasn't my body. The problem was that I kept trying to dress the body I used to have."

No forcing it.

Maybe another season.

Maybe never.

Either way was okay.

If you're in this season right now...I want you to know,

You're not imagining it.

You're not doing anything wrong.

Your body isn't betraying you.

It's changing.

And while you're figuring out what works...

Give yourself permission to stop fighting fabrics that fight you back.

Find one dress.

One pair of pants.

One outfit that feels good on the body you have today.

Start there.

Sometimes confidence doesn't begin with loving every part of your body. Sometimes it begins with simply getting dressed without feeling miserable.

And that's enough for today.

What I Hope You Take Away

Menopause changed my body.

It also changed the way I think about getting dressed. For years, I believed confidence came from finding the perfect outfit.

Now I think it starts a little earlier than that.

It starts with giving yourself permission to dress the woman you are today instead of trying to squeeze back into the woman you used to be.  That shift changes far more than your wardrobe.