Earlier this week, I was out on one of my walks when I decided to whip out my phone and record a few thoughts off the cuff. Nothing eloquent, just me walking and talking about what’s been on my mind lately.

Basically, how did we get to this stage of life without anyone telling us what to expect? 😂

I'm 53, my kids are grown and I'm finding out that this chapter looks a whole lot different than I imagined it.

I thought I'd have a better sense of what came next. That after years of raising kids, building a business, and keeping ALL the plates spinning, I'd somehow get to this stage feeling confident and fired up for whatever was next.

Instead, I've found myself feeling a little, well…lost.

I've talked before about the grief that can come with leaving these chapters behind, even when we're happy about the changes. But something else I've been struggling with is feeling like I've lost my spark.

I don't mean I've forgotten what I enjoy doing. It's more that I haven't felt genuinely excited about much lately. And when that feeling goes missing, it starts affecting other things too. Motivation, confidence, even how you see yourself.

That's not exactly easy to admit…especially when you've spent years being the person who encourages other women to feel good about themselves.

But I shared it anyway and apparently, I struck a nerve.

Turns out, we're all looking for the manual

I posted that little walk-and-talk video on Instagram, and the comments started rolling in.

Women my age saying they felt exactly the same way. Women who had just dropped their youngest off at college. Women who still had teenagers at home but could already feel their lives beginning to shift.

And women in their sixties chiming in with some much-needed perspective.

One woman joked that she'd just turned 60 and the instruction manual was STILL backordered. 😂

Another shared that her fifties had been her favorite decade, and her sixties were turning out to be pretty wonderful, too.

And here's something I didn't expect: It was weirdly comforting hearing from women who were further along and STILL didn't have everything figured out.

Isn't that funny? You'd think I'd want someone to tell me they'd cracked the code and hand over the answers. But instead, I found it strangely reassuring to realize that maybe there isn't some magical point where we're supposed to know exactly who we are and what comes next.

Maybe the uncertainty isn't something we have to get through before we can enjoy this chapter but it's just part of it.

Some women were grieving the lives they'd known. Others were excited about the possibilities ahead. Quite a few were experiencing both at the same time.

And what struck me was how much we all needed to talk about it.

Which brings me to something else that happened this week.

Four days and approximately a million conversations

My lifelong best friend Danielle came to visit!

We've been friends since we were twelve years old, and although we haven't gotten nearly enough time together over the years, we picked right back up where we left off.

Four days of talking, laughing, reminiscing, and somehow never running out of things to yap about. 😂

But no matter where our conversations started, we kept circling back to this stage of life and how much it's surprised both of us.

Danielle has one child that’s grown and flown but also still has a 16-year-old at home, so she's in a slightly different season than I am. But she can see the changes coming, and we're both trying to figure out what the next chapter might look like.

There's something comforting about having those conversations with someone who's known you since before you were a wife, a mother, or any of the other things you've become along the way.

And then I opened Instagram and realized we were having essentially the same conversation with women all over the place.

And it occurred to me that maybe that's what we need more of. Not another person telling us exactly how to navigate midlife, but more opportunities to talk honestly about what we're experiencing.

Maybe we don't need an instruction manual after all.

I've always believed in teaching from the scars, not the wounds.

And I still think there's wisdom in that. I don't want to share every personal struggle while I'm in the middle of it, and I certainly don't want to put my problems on the internet and expect strangers to help me solve them!

But lately, I've been reconsidering the idea that I need to have everything figured out before I can share something meaningful.

Maybe there's room for saying, "Here's something I'm noticing. Here's what I'm learning. Does anyone else feel this way?"

And maybe what we need in this chapter isn't someone handing us all the answers, but a way to start finding our own.

I've been thinking about three simple things that can help:

• NOTICE. Pay attention to what's changing in your life, what you're missing, and what still feels good. Before you start trying to fix anything, give yourself permission to acknowledge where you actually are.

• GET CURIOUS. Instead of asking, "What's my purpose now?" try asking smaller questions. What would I like more of? What am I ready for less of? What have I lost touch with that used to make me feel like myself?

• EXPERIMENT. Try something without needing to know where it will lead. Take the walk, say yes to an invitation, revisit an old interest. Sometimes the doing has to come before the knowing.

That's it. No five-year plan, no complete reinvention, and definitely no new self-improvement project. 😂

And the funny thing is, I realized afterward that I'd actually done all three this week.

I'd noticed how disconnected I'd been feeling from my usual excitement and confidence. I'd gotten curious about what might happen if I shared those thoughts more openly. And I experimented by recording a completely unscripted video while I was out walking.

I didn't know what would come of it.

But something unexpected happened.

A little spark

After a long stretch of not feeling particularly excited about much, I woke up the next morning feeling... excited.

Not because I'd suddenly figured out what comes next or found the answer to everything that's been on my mind.

It was something not as profound but still powerful. I'd shared something that felt genuinely true to who I am right now, even though it made me a little uncomfortable to put it out there. And other women recognized themselves in it.

For years, I helped women reconnect with themselves through personal style. I still love that work, but I've come to realize that the clothes were always just one avenue for something bigger.

Helping women feel like themselves again.

Now I'm finding myself having conversations about identity, purpose, aging, uncertainty, and what it means to create a life that fits the woman we've become.

Somehow, that feels even closer to my heart.

I'm not going to tell you I've found my spark again because of one Instagram video. I haven't.

But I did have a moment when I felt a little more like myself. And after a year of so many things feeling unfamiliar, that mattered.

Maybe that's one of the things I'm learning about this chapter.

We don't have to know exactly where we're going to recognize when something feels right.

We can notice those moments. Follow our curiosity. Try something without knowing what it will become.

Instead of waiting for someone to hand us the instruction manual, we can start figuring things out together.

Preferably with a little bit of humor and lots of good conversations along the way. ❤️

This Week's Breadcrumb 🌱

One of the things I loved most about the responses to my video was hearing from women at so many different stages of midlife. (also if you haven’t seen the video, you can check it out HERE)

Some were struggling, some had found their footing and others were discovering that the uncertainty itself could be part of the adventure.

So this week, I'd love to hear from you.

What's one thing about this chapter of life that nobody prepared you for?

It could be something difficult, something wonderful, or something that has surprised you completely.

And if you're a little further along and have some perspective to share, we'd especially love to hear it!

Come join the conversation in Community. I have a feeling we can learn a lot from one another, even if none of us has the instruction manual. 😂

JOIN THE CONVERSATION IN COMMUNITY 🌱

xo

Alison

In Community This Week ❤️

Last week's Breadcrumb asked which ideas have stayed with us, and we've had some lovely conversations about making a little more room for ourselves in this season of life.

A few women shared the simple things making their days a little better: watching birds at the feeder, getting outside more, and finally enjoying an early bedtime without feeling guilty about it. 😂

And I LOVE that these conversations can sit right alongside the bigger questions.

I think many of us have spent years taking care of everything, and we're still figuring out what it looks like to make a little more space for ourselves.

Some of us are still finding our footing, others are rediscovering the little things that bring their spark back, and plenty of us are probably somewhere in between.

If you're still trying to figure out what this next chapter looks like, we'd love to hear from you. Sometimes it helps just to talk about it with women who are figuring it out, too.

You don't need to have an answer.

Pull up a chair. I'll meet you inside. ❤️