Last week I was talking to my therapist Stacy about all the things I’ve been thinking about lately. My kids are grown, my role in my business has changed. A lot of the identities I’ve carried for years don’t fit quite the same way anymore, and I’ve been trying to figure out what this next phase of my life looks like.

You know, basically the entire reason Rediscovering Me exists. 😂

We were talking about all of this when she said something that stopped me:

“Alison, I know you ALL too well. Just be careful you don’t turn this into your next project.”

Well, darn.

Because if there is one thing I know how to do, it’s turn something into a project.

Give me a problem and I will research it, make a plan, create a system, track the results and optimize accordingly. And apparently I am perfectly capable of doing that with my own midlife identity transition.

Okay! The old identities don’t fit anymore. Let’s figure out the new ones! What’s my purpose? What do I want? Who am I becoming? What does the next phase look like? LET’S GET TO WORK, GIRL!

Except...what if there isn’t actually anything to figure out right now?

What if I’m not the project?

I’ve been thinking about that ever since, and the funny thing is, I think I’ve already started living a little differently without realizing it.

Last Sunday, Craig and I left the house with an errands list approximately a mile long. It was raining outside, football was on, and at some point I looked at him and said, “You know how we always talk about how great it would be to have a rainy Sunday where we just lounge on the couch and watch football all day?”

Here it was. The rainy Sunday.

And we were spending it driving all over town checking things off a list that, for the most part, absolutely did NOT need to be checked off that day.

So we did the two things that actually needed to be done. And then we went home.

I parked myself on the couch and watched football for the rest of the afternoon.

This should not feel remotely noteworthy. But for me, it kind of was.

Because I’ve spent a lot of my life believing that if there’s something that could be accomplished, I should probably be accomplishing it.

I noticed the same thing when I started transitioning my closet for fall this week. Normally I would attack that sucker in one day, empty everything, make a giant mess. Get super tired and cranky and refuse to stop because I had decided TODAY WE ARE FINISHING THE CLOSET.

Instead, I did a little at a time. I looked at things, tried some things on, thought about whether they still felt like me. Walked away when I was tired…and came back another day.

BTW, nobody ever gave me a medal for finishing my closet in record time. Turns out nobody was timing me at all. 😂

And I’m realizing how many places in my life I’ve been doing some version of this.

Tracking. Measuring. Improving. Optimizing.

Not just my productivity.

Me.

I’ve tracked calories and macros and workouts and steps and sleep. I’ve followed exercise programs because they were supposedly the “right” way to work out. I’ve watched numbers move up and down and allowed them to tell me things about myself that I probably already knew just by paying attention to how I felt.

I still wear my Oura ring and  look at the data because I find it interesting and useful over time. I’m not throwing it in the trash and declaring myself completely free from numbers. 😂

But I don’t need to monitor everything all the time anymore.

Lately I’ve been finding workouts I actually enjoy instead of forcing myself into whatever version of exercise I’ve decided I’m supposed to be doing. I’m eating in ways that make me feel good without constantly turning food into math. I’m paying attention to my body without feeling like I need to monitor it quite so closely.

I think there’s a difference between paying attention to myself and policing myself.

And maybe there’s a difference between growing and constantly treating myself as something that needs improvement. Because when I really think about it, there has always been some future version of Alison out there who apparently has her stuff completely together.

Future Alison has figured out her purpose. Her house is organized, her business is doing exactly what she wants it to do. She knows what comes next.

I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to catch up with her.

You know what? I’m starting to suspect she doesn’t exist.

And thank goodness, because I’m tired. 😂

I still want to grow

I don’t think the answer is to stop caring about any of this.

I like learning things about myself and trying new things. I want to be strong and healthy and to keep writing and traveling and changing my mind and getting curious about who I am now. There are things I want to do and places I want to go and ways I still want my life to change.

I don’t think that’s going away.

What’s changing is the idea that I have to experience the woman I am today as the rough draft of the woman I’m eventually supposed to become.

Maybe I can be curious about what comes next without needing to figure it out. Maybe I can have direction without demanding a destination.

Maybe I can leave a little blank space and see what happens there.

I’ve been thinking about our last couple of Breadcrumbs, and I realized they’re actually connected to this too.

When we started clearing our Tolerations, it wasn’t because we needed to become more organized or finally get our lives together. We were just getting rid of a few little things that were unnecessarily sucking our energy.

Last week, I wrote about getting my style mojo back. I didn’t reinvent myself or buy a whole new wardrobe. I remembered that getting dressed is something I’ve always enjoyed and had stopped making much room for.

Maybe that’s what I’m craving in this season.

Less adding. More noticing.

Not another plan for becoming someone better. More room to notice what already makes me feel good. What I’m curious about, what feels like me, what I’d like more of and what I’m ready to have less of.

And maybe I can change something just because I’m curious about what happens next, not because the current version of me is unacceptable.

Maybe I’m already here

The irony of all of this is that even Rediscovering Me could very easily become another project if I’m not careful.

Okay ladies, here are the 17 steps to rediscovering yourself! Get out your trackers! We have WORK TO DO! 😂

No thank you.

Maybe rediscovering ourselves is actually much simpler than that. Instead of constantly asking:

Who should I become now?

We could ask:

What’s already here that I want to make more room for?

That’s what getting dressed again has felt like for me. It’s what choosing movement I enjoy feels like. It’s what reading, traveling, writing, walking, sitting outside, spending time with people I love and occasionally spending an entire rainy Sunday on the couch feels like.

None of it needs to lead anywhere.

Maybe feeling like myself is enough of a reason to do it.

And maybe I don’t need to be my next big project. Maybe I just get to be a person living her life.

That sounds pretty darn good right now.

This Week’s Breadcrumb 🌱

So maybe our Breadcrumb this week isn’t something to do.

God knows we don’t need to turn this newsletter into another assignment. 😂

Instead, I want you to notice something:

Where in your life are you treating yourself like a project?

Your body, health, career? Your house? Your productivity? Your relationships? Figuring out your purpose or what’s next?

And then ask yourself:

What would it feel like to loosen your grip on that a little?

Not give up or stop caring. Just stop assuming you need to fix it right now.

And then there’s one more question I want you to sit with:

What would you make more room for instead?

Something you already enjoy, something that feels good, someone you want to spend time with. Something you’ve been curious about, or maybe absolutely nothing.

You don’t have to monetize it, optimize it, track it or use it to become a better version of yourself.

Maybe you just get to enjoy it.

Come tell us in Community:

Where are you ready to stop treating yourself like a project, and what might you make more room for instead?

I have a feeling we’re going to give each other some very good ideas. ❤️

SHARE YOUR BREADCRUMB IN COMMUNITY 🌱

xo

Alison

In Community This Week

Something lovely is already happening inside the Rediscovering Me Community. ❤️

Last week, women started sharing the little pieces of themselves they’ve been wanting to make room for again.

One woman wants to bring her sewing space back to life. Another is rediscovering her love of crossword puzzles. Someone else realized just how much she’s missed dancing. And one woman finally tackled those paint touch-ups she’d been putting off.

Different stories, but a common thread: making a little more room for ourselves in the middle of everyday life.

And I’d love for you to be part of the conversation, too.

What’s something you’ve been missing? Something you’ve wanted to try, revisit, or finally make time for?

You don’t need a big goal or a grand plan. Sometimes it starts with simply saying it out loud to women who understand.

The Rediscovering Me Community is a private, welcoming space for conversations just like these. And don’t worry, these Sunday letters will always remain free.

Come join the conversation. There’s a seat waiting for you. ❤️

COME JOIN US IN COMMUNITY ❤️